DJ MENACING NATURE IN THE HOUSE

CALLING ALL NJ LADIES!!!!!

This coming Friday, one weekend only, experience the club experience you thought was only in your dreams. Well take that dream and capture it in a sick Ed Hardy hat, pour in a combination of Audieger's sexcellent MEN'S COLOGNE & Sport's drink. That is how sick this concert will be. You will be able to keep your blow out sexified as all of our facilities and corners are stocked with the latest axe products and sweet alcohol filled face drying designer cosmetics that you would find on clearance at DAFFYS!!!!! (HORN HONK HORN HONK)

The night will start off with DJ dropbackparkituptogetdown,

He will spin his classic #1 hit, I got a Hewlett Packard in heaven. After playing that song at increasing volumes sixty four times straight, we guarantee that your ears will literally be spewing blood and maybe a few chunks of gray matter. It will be painfully awesome, try it with a red bull and ciroc vodka splash! Oh you got that right! It is going to be really really hot in the room. Proper ventilation and adhering to fire codes is gay. We threw that pussy nonsense right out the rational window, We decided to put giant steam and fog machines! What is not being able to see your own hands and suffering a claustrophobic episode resulting in seizure. But to make sure that it is warm enough to rock your very own Kohl's Sweatshop guaranteed tank top. You can rock any religious memorabilia you have around your neck to pay homage to a myriad of saints and virgin Marys. FUCK!


Did we mention romance? Well all you trashy gurls and buyz (Our apologies!), look no further. The girls will be able to express their interests by competing for the number one spot in a w-tshirt contest followed by a bull ride in bra and then a farting contest! Gross but neat!!! The guys will be auctioned off and then sent to local organic farms to be grass fed and then fed to Connecticut. We will provide semi-to not so much-private alcoves, so that if you are inebriated enough to try and do more than make out on the dance floor, the frumpy folks will have a chance to watch you and hate you for what you are but also sort of envy your blind ignorance! It's gonna be a rager!


Hungry? Their will be plenty of food for all those feeling eager for a gnosh. We have a buffet set up featuring all premium Energy drinks. MONSTER, ROCKSTAR, 5 (7) HOUR ENERGY, BOOTY SWEAT, will all be served up in a heaping dish of jello mixed with vodka, that you can chow down on until the sunlight hits your crusted over make up and early signs of rosacea will be setting in as you head back to your 350 Z with some cutie on your arm. She may turn out to be underage or your cousin, but at least you will have a full tum tum!

DRUGS?!? We almost forgot to mention all the illegal substances you will be able to consume. If one is feeling the need for Alprazolem, Zoloft, Trazodone, Lamictal, Abilify, Diazepam, Klonopin, Adderall, Atavan, or one of the many other treats on the market, we will have a doctor writing prescriptions right on the premises! OH no, feeling pain and need to shake that sore muscle contraction disorder from the anabolic bummers? Look no further, we will have twelve MRI trucks in the parking lot. Just stuff your dome inside one of these things and then presto, in your hand will be a month supply of schedule II opiates! Hooray!

All in all, we hope you can get some time off from Abercrombie and Fitch or planning your next trip to Senor Frogs to make it to this epic and completely forgettable event. Dance the night away, Sweat enough chemicals to make DOW jealous! Punch as many people in the face as you can. We must remember life is short, so do as much ridiculous shit as you can! Put your entourage season three DVD box set down and get your ass on the dance floor!

holler.